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From: James
Beabout
[jbea@comcast.net]
Sent: Tuesday, April 20, 2004 11:02 PM
To: Jorge Valdes; Jorge Valdes
Subject: Coming Clean
Importance: High
Brother Jorge,
I sat down
tonight to write about my weekend so that you
could share it with the board. Instead the
Lord has led me to write something different.
You may want to share some of this with them
or not, but I write it for you.
Today was not
the easiest day. In fact I should say that the
last few years have not been the easiest for
me. I grew up having everything I wanted the
American dream. Most of all, I had the best
parents anyone could want. They have been
there for me 100% of the time, and they are my
best friends. They shielded me from bad
influences (sometimes to my dismay, my Mom of
course would wait up for me and scold me if I
missed curfew by 2 minutes). They taught me
everything I needed to be a leader and a
success. It is funny, because in a lot of
ways I was a lot like you. I never drank until
college. I was in the national honors
society, went to a great school and graduated
with honors. I even attended church
regularly. Then I got a great, exciting job
in Washington, a job any kid out of college
would want. What could be better? But tonight
I need to come clean with you. Despite the
appearance, everything has not been perfect
for the last 3 ½ years. Suddenly I came to
DC and found myself in the center of power in
the world. And like I told you, though many
people come to Washington thinking they will
change it, Washington changes them. And it
has changed me. It is funny, because my Mom
and many of my good family friends would often
comment: Why does James want to be in
politics? He is too good for that. But lately
I realized that despite the fact that I have
ignored God for a few years, God is still
trying to steer me in the right direction.
When I came to DC, I found myself surrounded
by many power-hungry people who didn't care
about the important things in life. I met
people I thought were friends who really just
tried to bring me down with them. I quit
going to Mass. I got drunk too many nights
out of the week. I even tried cocaine once,
although like Jade, it didn't have an effect
and I decided never to do it again before it
ruined my life.
Then the Lord
gave me an amazing blessing when he introduced
me to you. But Jorge, it wasn't until today
that I truly knew that our meeting was not a
coincidence. I have not been a good person
for the last several years. I have not
contributed to anyone but myself, and by all
standards I have not led a Christ-like life.
This weekend changed everything. I sat
there at Angola watching the great hope and
blessing you were to hundreds of men who will
likely never leave those walls. I went into
that prison a little scared and hesitant, and
came out truly hopeful that God can change
anyone, even the hardest killer. I never
imagined I would have 100 murderers and
rapists crying and hugging me and saying God
bless you.
Never before have
I felt that my presence made such a difference
to someone. In 1 day, I had more touching
conversations than I had in almost 4 years in
Washington. In one day we touched more lives
than some people touch in a lifetime! I
watched in Mobile as you moved teenagers and
their parents to tears. I realized that maybe
I had not come clean with my parents. That
maybe despite the fact that I demonstrate a
guy that has it all together, I was really
just another hurting, confused person like the
kids in that room, another person that had
pushed Jesus aside and succumbed to peer
pressure, drugs, alcohol and sex. And I came
away from the weekend energized like I haven't
been for years. I truly believe you WILL
change the world, and I want to help.
I loved the
excitement of Washington. As that excitement
faded, I have found myself growing empty
inside. As that happened, I turned more and
more to bad influences. The only respites
from this emptiness were the time I have spent
with you. It is a little scary when you
study political science and then spend 4 years
working in it, only to finally admit to
yourself that it is not what you were meant to
do with your life. I believe the Lord put you
into my life to change it, and I believe he
put me in your care so that I would visit
Angola and have it change my life. As I told
my friend, Brandon, how excited I was and how
much you and our trip have changed my life, he
asked me a very simple question: Why are you
staying in the office then? I couldn't answer
that question. There is no reason that I can
think of other than to help you. I went home
thoroughly confused and prayed to God that He
might direct me to do His will. I turned to
my best friends, my parents. I just got off
the phone after talking to them for 2 hours. I
came clean with them, and I have not heard
them sound so happy and relieved in my life.
They both said that I just have not been
myself since I came to Washington, until
yesterday when I called to tell them about our
trip. My Dad said I haven't heard you that
excited for years. I told them I have been
around bad influences, that I have quit going
to church. And I told them that I have felt
profoundly empty, lonely, and distraught about
it. And they said that they have felt it.
I asked for their
advice and they told me to follow my heart. I
write this with a mix of profound excitement
and profound vulnerability. But coming clean
with people does make you vulnerable. I can
only trust that God will lead me to where I
can help Him the most. My hesitation to put
you on the spot with what I am about to say is
overcome only by God's spirit running through
me at this moment and the knowledge that you
will understand how I feel. So I want to make
this offer: I want to offer my service
unconditionally to the ministry if you have a
place for me. If you believe in your heart
that we can change the world together, I can
be in Atlanta in a matter of weeks.
Love,
James |
