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The Fifth Step to Coming Clean Dear Friend, Many of you have brought to my attention the fact that in what may have been a senior moment I have missed Step 5 of the Coming Clean series. I have to wonder if it really was a senior moment or more of a convenient and cautionary opportunity, because, after all how do we deal with this step. I have Come Clean with God, family and those whom I have hurt over issues that are paramount to our lives. The issues may be behavior-related to life values or to the prospect of misconduct and violence. Or the issues may relate to health and wellness influenced by addictions and illicit drugs. I write cautionary because in reality what makes coming clean a unique paradigm is that there is no set rule, standard, or magic formula as to what we need to come clean about, and to whom. As we meditate on this step there are three key words that are critical components of the process: hurt, paramount, and influenced. In this E-Letter I want to ponder over these words. When a person is in bondage to some hidden sin the first thing they realize is that it hurts. When our heart experiences continuous pain in essence what we experience is a life of turmoil. We will medicate that pain with many forms of addiction but the root problem always returns to hurt-a heart that has been wounded or experiences the hurt of wounding others. Until we are able to come clean with God and those whom we have hurt we cannot experience liberation and thus we remain in bondage. The second critical word and perhaps most difficult to discern is paramount. This is important because often times I am asked, do I need to come clean with everyone about everything. My response is always the same, no and no. We do not need to come clean with everyone for anything we feel we have done exactly what we were suppose to do, only if our actions have caused hurt to God and to them. Therefore, we do not need to confess to our next-door neighbor that we experienced some sort of desire to kill him because his dog went in our yard. We do need to come clean if somehow we have moved beyond a feeling to some sort of action. Therefore, the word paramount provides a good guideline for us. Finally, the last critical word is influenced. I say this-and it correlates well to what I just suggested as it relates to paramount-because any time any issue is acted upon that results in influencing us to make a wrong choice or resort to an addictive behavior it must be dealt with immediately. If we do not act upon this paramount issue we are guaranteed a life of bondage. When a wounded heart has been hurt over a paramount issue, it attempts to medicate the pain with an elicit substance or negative behavior, then the only way for a person to be liberated from such bondage is to immediately come clean. Many circumstances in our life as we related to others will lead us to make choices. Some of these choices bind us and holds us captive to the consequence of the choice. When we come clean God sets the mechanism in motion, which can set us free. It is critical that we confess our sins one to another. It is critical that we become transparent. It is critical that we demonstrate a contrite heart. When we do these things, we are guaranteed to enjoy the liberating effects of a real and genuine relationship with God and those whom we love. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1: 9). God bless you, Jorge
Jorge Valdes, Ph.D.
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