 |
|
|
|
 |
|
|||||
 |
|
Contrition
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he
rescues those who are crushed in spirit."
Many times we do others wrong and deep inside of us we are truly sorry for it, yet we wonder why it is that our conviction is not evident to those whom we have hurt and why do we grow distant? This is even more critical when others have wrong us and they apologize yet there seems to be no evidence of true remorse. I suggest that the problem lies in our inability to understand contrition. Therefore, what does it mean to be contrite? What does it mean to have a contrite heart? Is it possible to come clean without a contrite heart? Finally, can we ever expect to be truly repentant when in fact we are not contrite about our actions? The Encarta dictionary defines contrition as a deep and genuine feeling of guilt and remorse. A deep sense of shame over past sins and a firm resolve not to sin in the future. The English Thesaurus defines contrition as repentance, penitence, remorse, regret, sorrow and apology. The list goes on and on. Then, we can even break down further words such as sin, sorrow, and penitence, and in the end we would spend countless hours of debate and never reach any sort of agreement as to what the word really means. Let us pause for a moment on Encarta's definition of contrition as a genuine feeling of guilt and remorse and consider it as a precursor to the process of liberation by which we are delivered, restored, and healed as we become transparent before Christ, family, and those we have hurt. To be transparent we must first look at our contrite heart, or as Encarta would say our guilty and remorseful heart, and recognize that we have done wrong, and in doing so we have hurt those whom we love and have created a wall that prevents us from having an intimate relationship with our loved ones and God. What did it mean for me to have a contrite heart? Better yet, how did I even know that I needed to have a contrite heart without which I would remain in bondage and thus unable to be transparent? For me it was a process. It was not some instantaneous conviction where I realized that I was this horrific sinner that needed to repent and fix all the wrong that I had done and make it all better with those I had hurt so much. It was a process, by which God convicted me of the fact that the daily choices I made in search of some mysterious meaning to life were in reality mere efforts to satisfy my personal selfish desires. It was the moment when I began to realize that these choices were separating me more and more from those whom I loved so much. It was the feeling that something was deeply wrong and I had to fix yet I was not able. Contrition is not real until we realize that we are lonely, desperate and unable to utter statements such as: I am hurting. I am lonely. I am scared. I am weak. It is hard to show a contrite heart because society has taught us to be macho, to hide our need to be dependant, to be an individual, and when the load eventually becomes too heavy to carry any longer to just crumble and fall. But thorough repentance and healing cannot occur until we become contrite. Lord, allow my contrite heart to be so transparent that liberation can occur. Meditation: Have you ever wondered why others do not seem to think you are truly sorry? Why the wounds of our pain never heal?
Jorge L. Valdes, Ph.D.
|